During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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