When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
