my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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