I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
