Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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