If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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