U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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