THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
