I am puke
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
