i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
