She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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