You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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