is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
