My balls are so social today.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
