conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
