i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
