well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
