im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
