My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
