Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone came in the potted fern
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
