Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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