hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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