this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
