I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
