i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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