id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
