Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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