"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
