Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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