Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
