just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
