He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
