You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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