He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
