omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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