OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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