Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
