if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We got so high we made milksteak
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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