And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
