Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
