remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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