I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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