this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
