need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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