Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
