Having a random hookup so left but love u
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
