Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
