You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
