I accidentally burped into my bong.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
