I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
accomplished twins. life is a go
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
