Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this boner is exhausting
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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