the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
